ORIGINAL IDEAS

ECO GYM
BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY
All the equipment generates electricity from human exercise to light up the gymnasium. People passing can tell by the brightness that there is a good session going on. Members get to show off their output potential and reduce electricity usage and therefore greenhouse gas. Get fit and save the planet.

TRIP HAZARD
Rock Sitar Player With one "z". Returned from India and willing to do what it takes to create that 60's or 70's vibe.

Meteorite Dog Biscuits
Proposed advert wherein a dog in the space helmet declares "they are meaty awright". This idea was submitted to manufacturers some time ago with no success.

Mr. Whatname's Fun-Doover
Fundoover calender allows you to show what sort of day you are having by pointing the fun-doover (proper) at the appropriate message. The calendar rewards you for having a good day, by a combination of record keeping and scratch technology, and includes emergency scratch panels for use when you are having a bad time. They suggest actions that you may not consider normally. Sumitted to publishers without success. Another idea before its time

We're All Pixies When We Are Asleep The story
A children's story book based on a dream set in my own childhood. Illustrated in simplistic (naive) fashion by myself, it received numerous rejection notices from publishers. These were like a primitive version of what is now known in electronic media as "hits" even though they were more properly "misses".

Diatribe
This used to be the band name I used until I sold it to some heavy metal enthusiasts in Adelaide.
Historical Diatribe Band Posters
Historical Diatribe Band Members

Beats Working
This was a Brisbane drum circle with belly dancing. It also is a clothing trade mark I have now sold.
Beats Working near its peak

Names for bands, albums and songs and things
These are copyrighted ideas for band names and other things. Please ask before using these ideas as they are protected.

Dead Man's Garlick
Weight & Sea (anchor and wavy lines graphic)
DeVine (wine bar name)
Sympathetic Magic

Inventions and Concepts
These ideas are copyright protected, please contact me if you wish to use one of them.

Acoustic Clothing
Made of "Soundweave" (copyright) cloth which absorbs specific sound frequencies. There is a range from low pass to high pass cloths allowing wearers to express themselves at concerts by changing the sound around them. If you want more bass, for example, then cluster with the other like-minded fans wearing the same distinctive coloured low-pass jackets. If you prefer a more trebley sound then gather with those people whose garments absorb the lower end of the audible range. You can recognise them by the colour of their jackets.
So now you can make a statement and achieve impact, even in a crowded concert hall.

Grand Mogradon
A secret society, the format and purpose of which was evolving. The secret knowledge was subsequently revealed progressively to a select group at a number of events. The next step might involve forming a band.

The Swing Watch
at 5 pm it changes from tick tock to tah1 tah2 tah3 tah4...

Fantasy Dog Walks
A shop near a park rents out celebrity and fantasy costumes to dog owners so they can parade around while they exercise their dog. It makes it like a party and good for meeting people.

Marimba Furniture
Wooden furniture you can play music on. I made a proto-type table and learnt some critical design lessons. Clear the dinner and jam (and jam)

TV for chimpanzees
Seriously set up a channel for monkeys and see what keeps their attention. Do all the programming based on what the monkeys will watch, but sell it to humans cause it will be funny (or violent).

The Boomerang Immigration Policy
According to this policy, illegal immigrants are immediately deported to their country of origin. If they manage to come back a second time, they are immediately accepted as citizens.

WWII mystery calendar
I have a large collection of World War 2 photographs, but I don't know the names, places dates. Set up a panel of experts (RSL), publish a calendar and run a competition with prizes for purchasers to name the people, ships, places etc. with 50% of profits going to support returned soldiers and their families.

Observations
I have been noticing a lot of people lately strengthening friendships and feeling good by blaming others for their own shortcomings. I blame these people for obscuring the truth and messing with our minds. If you feel the same way, contact me and we will go and have a drink together. It would feel good.

I think there are two types of people in the world. Those that categorise other people, and those that don't. It seems unfair though and a bit ironic that I have categorised the people that don't categorise other people. They deserve better and I apologise (categorically).

SOME FAVOURITE BOOKS

The Middle of the Journey - Lionel Trilling - deep discussions of the intellectual class in 1940's America. Rivetting stuff. Would make fabulous play because of sharp dialogue and small number of scenes. Like Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance without the mechanics but more intense mind games.

The Human Age trilogy - Wyndham Lewis - retake on Dante's Inferno. After death a prominent writer travels around various parts of the afterlife, eventually assisting Satan in a revamping of Hell which gets God seriously offside.

The Tietjens Tetralogy - 1928 - Ford Maddox Ford – First, I read the last book (The Last Post)which is an eccentric account of the life of a british government official who takes exception to the terms of the armistace following WW I and vows never to talk or move again. One of the best I have read. I highly recommend that you read it starting with the last book.

The Fifth Queen - 1906 - Ford Maddox Ford again - A book with such levels of plotting and intrigue that people with entirely opposite hopes agree on actions which each believes will lead to the success of his/her plans.

Most Secret War - RV Jones - his account of British scientific intelligence during WW II - loads of irony - excellent

An Artist of the Floating World - Kazuo Ishiguro - post war Japan - unfolds beautifully

The Death of Napoleon - Simon Leys – wonderful. After a change of career, the former Emporor maps out a brilliant strategy for a family to market their watermelons. I didn’t make this up. The author did. At least in my opinion.

Julian - Gore Vidal - about the Roman Empire

Penguin Island - Anatole France - History of people as they evolved from penguins. Fairly unlikely, but the success of the book in France rehabilitated the author’s image after he tarnished his image by exposing the cruelty inherent in the French Revolution.

The Persian Expedition - Xenophon - written 400BC

The Civil Wars - Julius Ceasar. The battle in Alexandria would make a good base for a computer game.

Days of Hope - Andre Malraux - Spanish Civil War. The rifts between the various factions lessened their revolutionary effectiveness. The communists weren’t that silly and apparently, neither were the fascists. What a mess!

Adventure in Arnhem Land 2005

ORIGINAL JOKES

I got my zen from Alan Watts in the 70's.
How do I know if it is still working?

I am thinking of selling my soul to the Devil.
It's a really big step and I don't want to get ripped off.

When they let me go, at least they gave me a glowing reference - "He was not just unnecessary, mate, he was absolutely superfluous"

It was all so average. Really average. Let's say you got a large number of average things, and averaged them. That's how average it was.

What is the optimum size for a minority group?

The ad said "Be your own Boss!" - but I hate my boss.

I have a plan to save the world. It will require a substantial budget. The stationery costs alone will be astronomical.